God Speaks to Palin (Without Notes on Hand)

March 8, 2010

Palin: “Regarding the notes on my hand, and whether or not it revealed my true level of, uh, what’s that word (?) . . . intellect (!), at first, ‘I didn’t really have a good answer, as so often – is me’ (ya know, muttonhead, etc.).”  “But then somebody sent me the other day, Isaiah 49:16. . . .”  “Eureka!  Obviously, God had to write on His hands, as well!  ‘I’m like’ yoo-hoo and ya betcha, what darn tootin ‘good company!'”  God (attempting to speak to her, for the first time): “Sarah, can you hear me?  Sarah?  Geez, not much going on in here.  Oh well, I’ll just speak louder and louder.  Sarah, the Bible is full of metaphorical and allegorical language.  If I said I would write your name, as well as all the names of those who actually follow me, on my forehead – do you think it would be meant literally?” Palin: “I think God just spoke to me!”  Friend: “What did He say?”  Palin: “The Bible is literal, throughout.  And, unlike 99% of others, I actually follow Him!  He even uses Post-it notes!”  God: “Note to self: Don’t get angry; think of it as trying to teach a moose.  Sarah, you missed, and twisted, the entire message.”  Palin: “He just spoke to me again!”  Friend: “Really?”  Palin: “Something like the Beatitudes were twisted as progressive messages – that we missed Jesus’ neoconservative intent.  We should look to Glenn Beck for an update!”  God: “I don’t think I could get through to this one with a follow the bouncing ball teleprompter.”

Palin's Crib Notes on Hand

God Does It!

[Update: God: “The next time I send you back there, maybe you’ll get a life (with a clue).”
Sarah Palin: “Don’t Retreat, InsteadRELOAD!
God: “Alright – to be more clear: I was trying to Give You a Clue.”
Sarah Palin: “Ya betcha (wink)!”
God: If this one becomes president, I may initiate the Second Coming.”]